Everything in the open

Posted on Sun Oct 14, 2018 @ 4:16am by Lieutenant Liam Reynolds & Commander Amia Telamon M.D.

4,549 words; about a 23 minute read

Mission: Victory Conditions
Location: Liam's quarters
Timeline: MD11 am

ON:

The next morning, Amia realised Liam would be wondering why she hadn't been the one to fix him up this time. She decided to check on him but was careful to ring the door chime in case he was entertaining his new lady frien.... the word friend stuck in her thoughts and her throat seemed to go dry.

The chime sounded and she waited but was prepared to just leave without saying she was there, if he didn't answer.... or if he did but he said he had a guest.... She waited with bated breath, still not able to work out why she felt so jealous still, even with all that time spent trying to talk herself out of whatever it was she was seeming to be feeling.

Liam groaned as he heard the first chime. He sat bolt upright and immediately regretted it as mild pain seared through his arm. He made it out of bed and half way through his lounge when two things hit him. How thirsty he was and how much his head hurt. More so as he tried to put together the pieces of last night.

"One moment," he yelled stepping on the damn holo-cube nearly tripping. "This is all your fault," he hissed kicking it against his coffee table. "Come in,"

Liam observed that she was angry, very angry for Amia. She rarely got angry. And she was sad too and there was something else. Something she was really trying to keep a lid on. If he had been of normal health he could have pushed out further and identified that emotion but right now all he wanted was tea.

"Good morning" Amia said stiffly. "I'm here to check up on you in my medical capacity only" she said, half in a formal tone and half defensively.

"Tea?" he asked. It seemed the civil thing to do despite her strange distance and forced formality.

"I assume you're feeling a little better than you did last night?" she asked, feigning indifference.

"I don't remember much, you were here?" he stated as he ordered their usual order from the replicator. He looked at her for something. Was she going to fill in the gaps? Then the memory swarmed his brain. He was on the med-bed, she was leaning over him. And he had said something stupid. He knew it was stupid but couldn't remember just what. He took a sip of tea.

Amia accepted the tea but this was uncomfortable and most of her just wanted to get the medical check over and then escape again. "I wasn't sure it would be convenient for me to come, I thought perhaps you might have your girlfriend here." She managed to say, then immediately regretted it, berating herself for even mentioning the elephant in the room, as it were.

"Girlfriend? I don't have a ....." another memory flooded as he started to do the piecing. "Lenka?" She had been manhandled by that ferengi's thugs. He had given her some money to get out the contract. He felt the emotion Amia was keeping a lid on suddenly lose its lid. He was hit by some pretty strong jealousy.

Amia pretended not to know the woman's name. In fact she hadn't really formally known but it was on her medical file. She remembered how beautiful Lenka had been. She wanted to be somewhere, anywhere but making small talk with Liam right now. If only the tea wasn't so hot, she could gulp it down and make her excuses to go.

Several more sips of tea followed in an awkward silence. He could tell she was definitely jealous and now wanting to run away. Amia felt something for him. He tried to wrap his head round that.

"I.... look, I'll come back when you're not feeling so groggy. Take PLENTY of clear fluids to rehydrate yourself and if you need analgesic I can give you a hypo before I go. Do you have any injuries that weren't regenerated or any other pains or bruises coming out now? I'm here to see to your medical welfare. Then I won't bother you anymore. I'm sorry to bring up what happened. I only want you to be happy. It's nice that you've found someone." the words nearly choked her. It wasn't nice, it was the end of the universe... but she had no right to interfere. He wasn't even her friend anymore. She had to be gracious and pay back his former friendship even if it was over now. She felt miserable but tried to smile and finish the tea.

He had to tell her. "No look you misunderstood things. Lenka is a girl I met last night yes but she's not my girlfriend. I was trying ... well I think I managed to help her. She's hopefully getting out of a very bad job contract. Oh she ....." a final memory hit. "She kissed me didn't she. You saw that ..... and I said,"

Amia's eyes glazed as she fought off her natural reaction. She tried to joke it off. "You said you didn't want to be my friend, you schmuck. I don't have any idea what I said to deserve that but it's no big deal, I just want to see you two happy and you deserve to be loved by someone wonderful."

As she filled in that last connecting dot he hung his head in his hands rubbing his eyes. He just had to own up. "I didn't mean that. Well actually I did but not in the way you think."

He looked up, she might be jealous but he could still end up stomped on again now and ruin the best friendship he'd ever had. Not to mention the guilt he would have to work through over Cade.

"I don't want to be your friend because for a long time now I have been in love with you and I daren't admit it to myself properly because you have always been my best friend and you were married to my other one and the truth is I should never've asked out Haku on the illustrious. Or got involved with her. That was just some stupid obsession. You were right there in front of me and I couldn't see properly. Then I should never have left starfleet to go sort Declan out because I let you slip through my fingers. Then everything that happened in "that other place". I subconsciously ran back to you, I understand now," He was way deep in self therapy suddenly. "But you were happy. With Cade. So I helped you find yourself again and stepped back. put up a wall. Called you Mei-Mei. Made you my sister in my head. That was territory I couldn't ...

And now I shouldn't be saying any of this because you are Cade's widow and what kind of a friend does that make me? But the truth is what it is. I am in love with you."

Amia had stood up but she sat down with a flump and looked at Liam like he had grown two heads. Her jaw dropped and hung in an unseemly gape.

"You... I..... but..... I wasn't happy with Cade. We were at first of course but when we came to this Starbase I lost him. In fact I lost him on the journey here with those stupid cadets. I never really got him back. I..... think that's why he left. He'd given up on us." She stood up again. She didn't want to talk about Cade.... she was desperately trying to absorb Liam and the revelations he'd just made. She paced a little, totally confused, bewildered and overjoyed all at once. She was in terrible pain for all the time they had lost, but he loved her?! She had forgotten how it felt to be this light-headed. She didn't turn to look at Liam, she was sure if she did he would turn out to be a figment of her imagination or a dream and that this wasn't real.

"You weren't happy?" Liam found himself asking more to himself. Then it dawned on him, actually in the last 6 months he had seen more of them separately than together. He hadn't picked up on it.

He stood up and caught her hand stopping the pacing. "I'm sorry that's an awful lot for to throw at you," he smiled thinly. "And bad timing." She had just had a baby after all and was still full of hormones. And Cade was still the big elephant in the room. His eyes flipped briefly to the holocube. Should he inflict more on her and show the recording he wondered. Was this the best time?

"No, not towards the end. Not since we came here. It consumed him and then he wasn't the Cade I married. I shouldn't burden you with all that though." she realised that turning away from Liam was a very human mistake. Of course he could sense what her face was doing even if he couldn't see it physically. And not only her face. She turned back towards him, tears in her eyes that she was only just succeeding to contain.

"I think in the end he regretted us Him and me. His career had become much more to him that it was before. I was too shut inside my pregnancy and my loneliness to even see how bad things had got. But I always had you. You were here for me before him, during the move, through the tough bits and you were even my birth-buddy too. Where would I be without you, Liam? I'd never have got through it all. I didn't just name my daughter Liana because it was easy to spell you know. " she gave him a lopsided half grin but the tears finally escaped and some managed to fall softly. She was over Cade. She was sure of that. How could she convince Liam of that so he would know she wasn't just saying it?

Then it occurred to her. She didn't have to tell him. She could just let him in and he'd feel the truth, right?

She turned her hand in his and held it tightly. She looked deep into his eyes and wasn't sure she could even stay standing up, the feelings that erupted inside her seemed to melt her knees. "Lee, I.... I want you to know the truth... I'm not just saying what I think you want to hear..." she began struggling to explain.

Liam smiled gently. She was never afraid to open up. Let him see the real her. That was one of the things that made her perfect for him. If he considered that, his history with women he had really liked, Sydney had kept things, hiding sleeping around with his brother, Haku had never been fully comfortable with him being able to read her and resented it, then cheated on him too, Noelle had put up barriers before even getting to know him properly and Tera, she had been lying to him.

But Amia she always took him for him, his abilities too. He hadn't clocked that either about her daughter's name. His head had been all over lately but she had named her daughter with a nod to him. He had never been so honoured. And maybe, just maybe ……..

"I know you would never do that and neither would I." He had to show her that cube. And tell her something else. If he had any shot at being with Amia, there had to be no secrets. He let her hand go begrudgingly. "You are right …. about him prioritising his career," he steered her back to his sofa then retrieved the offending cube and handed it to her. "This showed up yesterday. It's the reason I went out and well was a complete idiot, getting drunk. Gambling. Fighting. I acted like Jon but I was so angry and upset at him. He had you, Amia and a beautiful baby imminent and he decided to ….. well watch it. I think you need to ….." It might help with some closure his counselor head was pushing.

"What....?" she began as she opened the cube and it started up. A little hologram of Cade appeared which made her gasp and fill up with the old way she used to feel about him, the way she thought she was over. She watched as it played, listening to his every word, hanging on each of them, taking them to heart like metal spikes fired into her unprotected heart. By the time it stopped playing she was breathing so shallowly that she shuddered and was forced to breathe in for a long, long minute. "Oh my God." she said at last and then suddenly picked up the cube and threw it at the wall in a burst of the most terrifying anger and pain that she had ever felt grip her.

Amia was half BaKu. One of the most peaceful and patient races in the Universe. She spent her life soothing and caring for every sentient thing, but right now, it was a good job her ex husband was gone. She half yelled and half growled, a haunted sound, as she picked up her tea mug and hurled it after the cube, contents and all. Then she rushed over to the remains of the cube and jumped on them, again and again until they were crushed to dust. She kept jumping, sobbing, jumping and sobbing as if now the pain had finally burst out, it was going to empty itself all out.

"How could you?" her strangled voice seemed not to be coming from someone so mortal. "You betrayed us for one more pip! You selfish, thoughtless, irresponsible, bloody LIAR!!!!!!" she kept jumping on the dust beneath her feet until eventually she fell to her knees muttering as the overwhelming burst of feelings began to subside at last.

"I know you did love me..... once....." she mumbled, poking her fingers at the crushed remnants of the shattered cube. She was breathless and barely audible as she finally deflated and slowly became her recognisable self again. "What did I do wrong?" she asked, knowing she would never get an answer now.

Liam watched in horror and felt the intensity of her anger and hurt. Amia was quite clearly not over Cade going by the severity of her attack on the holocube. And him telling her what he had told her was clearly not the correct time. Nor it seemed had it been a good idea to show her "that cube". He quickly moved the pieces of the broken tea cup away not wanting to see her accidently cut herself and grabbed the nearest thing to him, one of his cushions. Placing it over the puddle of tea to soak up the liquid, he knelt down and pulled her into a hug.

"You didn't do anything wrong," he said softly. "I'm sorry. I should never have ..... showing you that ..... telling you things. I thought I was doing right for wrong. To keep it from you ..... I can't have secrets. Not from you and ..... I couldn't have you thinking I didn't care for you as a friend. Right now you need me to be your friend more than anything. You need to grieve your husband still and deal with the anger. Everything I just said, I piled on more and at the worst time. It was selfish of me."

He was such an idiot. She was dealing with so much. He felt terrible. He needed to tell her about his other life after stating he didn't want any secrets. His place in Betazoid society but was frightened anything else would push her further over the edge. And he had quite clearly just caused enough pain and damage.

He pulled back and looked her right in the eyes, not wanting her to suddenly think he was rejecting her too. "My feelings for you will always be there. I am not going anywhere. You just need some time to work through this mess, and understand that you did nothing wrong." He wiped a tear from her cheek in a gentle manner. "One day if you ever want to open any new ground, give me a chance. Let me make you happy if I can. But for now, I'm so sorry to heap that on you. The timing was terrible and I'm sorry I upset you so much letting you watch that cube."

Amia was still sitting on the floor, her legs folded beneath her as she tried to work out what had just happened. She had thought she'd lost Liam as a friend and had been devastated by that idea. She then heard, or thought she did, him say he hadn't meant it and that actually he loved her and always had. That had rocked her world and left her wondering how that had all happened, how much time they had lost, why, what did it mean, how did it affect their futures?

So many conflicting emotions. Relief and joy that he had feelings like that for her, even after so long avoiding, mistaking, misunderstanding, miscommunicating...... and pain for the wasted time and then suddenly finding Cade popping back in her life in holographic form with proof of what she had believed but hadn't wanted to admit. The overwhelming wave of mixed and conflicting emotions.

She had never done anything like that before. Well, had she? She had no idea what she had been like as a small child but she was a stormy teen, that much she knew. When her mother had died, she had felt like this. So alone, so lost, so confused. She had left the only world she knew. The culture, the people, the planet that had nurtured her because she felt betrayed then too. She felt her mother should not have had to die. She wanted medical help for her but her people didn't believe in using medicine. They had a few herbs but nothing modern or advanced. If they had been prepared to embrace medical advancements she would have lived. Amia had, at 16, felt that her people, her family as she thought of them, had let her mother die!

Running away in grief and anger, Amia had found herself on a Starfleet freighter and so a change of lifestyle had been born as she rose from the ashes of her burning life, like a legendary Phoenix.

Now she had the chance to do that again. To rise from the ashes of her relationship with Cade and start a new one with Liam.

Or she might have had, if she hadn't behaved in that terrifying way. She had become something she didn't understand. She had raged with a fire and anger that was not a Ba'Ku trait at all. But then she had denied her Ba'Ku heritage and rejected all that it was. And if she wasn't a Ba'Ku but was a temper throwing angry monster then did that mean she was So'Na instead? Or was it her human side that had stomped on that cube? And now Liam was saying he was sorry he had told her all those wonderful things. Again she was losing him.

Minutes ago she was afraid of his rejecting their friendship, then she was overjoyed to welcome his love and now she had frightened him away, understandably she had to admit, after that showing of what she took to be the So'Na inside her.

Frightened him away and terrified her own self witless. She stayed sitting on the floor, staring at the mess she had made, numb and shaking.

"I understand. I feel the same about things......" she muttered, unaware of how many meanings that could have - depending on however he cared to take it. She meant she understood why he was scared off - as she was too - by whatever monster was inside her. She couldn't imagine all the other possibilities her words could be taken to mean. She was not in full operational mode. She had begun to switch off, emotionally exhausted and mentally unable to process any more right now - or so she thought.

"No I don't think you do understand," Liam said getting more and more concerned about both her and that he had blown any chance he had with her now by trying to do the right thing. "Amia you are .... you're terrified and ....." he screwed his nose in pain at the other emotions jabbing him as if someone was firing darts at his chest, "Feeling so alone. And tired," he added.

"Talk to me," he begged. "I'm right here. You're not alone. Let me in."

Amia looked up at him, her eyes full of a mix of longing and fear. "Lee, what if..... what if that...... that........" she waved her arms towards the direction of the mess on the floor against the far wall. What if that was..... the real me?" she asked agonising over what she had done.

"What's the difference between the Ba'Ku and the So'Na? Do you know.....? " she didn't wait for him to reply but went on. "The Ba'ku reject technology and progress because they fear what happened to the So'Na who they had seen take it to their hearts and then went too far with it. The So'Na became bitter and angry and damaged and the Ba'Ku were then prepared to even die just to not be like them.

I did what the So'Na did, Liam... I rejected the fear that had always pinned the Ba'Ku down and I went off looking for - and living inside - a technologically advanced civilisation. What if it's affecting me? What if... whatever that storm was, could have been the start of my decline? Have I changed so much?

I must have. I don't even recognise myself any more after that. What sort of mother will I make? And worst of all, how could I ever make you happy when I'm transforming into something even I don't like?" Her large green eyes were wide and as she looked up at him they seemed like pools with the unshed tears that filled them but wouldn't fall.

"Liam, my wonderful Liam" she reached up and her fingers softly caressed his cheek and then his lips. "You've waited all this time, you've been here for me all the way and now..... I'm not fit to accept your love anymore.... I'm a monster! Cade must have left me because I'd changed? I must have been like a miserable, bitter, introverted So'Na and he couldn't love someone like that... who could? And I won't let you get hurt by whatever it is that I've become..... I couldn't be the one who could hurt you.... I won't! If I never do another thing right as long as I live, I must free you at least, so I can't hurt you......" she stopped. Then she began to twist her fingers together and stared back at the floor again, returning to her messy stormy emotions and contradictory thoughts, her brow creased in misery and confusion.

"No," Liam said simply and calmly. "I mean hell no. You are not going to hurt me and you are not a monster. Amia trust me I have sensed and witnessed some monsters on this station. Even in another universe. The Jury's still out on the CO for instance but you are NO monster. Not even close. You're not a So'Na either. You're not transforming into something and Cade sure as hell didn't leave you because you changed."

He put both hands on her shoulders, thumbs sweeping on her neck, "You're Amia. Sweet, beautiful, amazing Amia. You do good every day, you save lives. You make people laugh, you keep that little bakery on prom deck 7 in business .... okay actually we both do ..... but the truth is you light up a room when you smile and you are a marvelous mother. Liana has no worries and yes I can sense that off her.

I know you are full of light and all the good stuff because my Betazoid side sees it even if you can't. So you got pissed off and destroyed a holocube. You're entitled. You're allowed to be miserable and bitter for a bit. You have had so much going on and he hurt you. Cade was a complete jackass. A complete selfish jackass who didn't deserve you. And I refuse to let you think these negative thoughts and to try push me away. So let me bottom line it for you. You ARE STUCK with me."

She had looked up at him all the time he was speaking, her eyes full and her heart even fuller. "Are you sure Liam?" She couldn't help but ask, although she already knew the answer. She wasn't telepathic but it was as if she could feel everything he said was from his heart too. He made sense. Liam always made sense. Liam was wise and he was her hero. If Liam said she wasn't a monster, then there was hope that she wasn't. If Liam said it wasn't her fault that Cade had left her, then perhaps that was true.... well, not all of it anyway. But most of all. Most blissful of all... Most important in all the universe.... Liam.... Liam Reynolds... who incidentally was not only an incredible person but was also drop-dead bloody gorgeous to boot, wasn't going to reject her, get sick of her, stop believing in her, and most of all, he wasn't going to leave her!! Well not right now anyway and that gave her something she'd almost forgotten. HE gave her hope!

And love too. He was just amazing and completely wonderful! She filled with brilliant, bright and loving feelings, welling over. Her bottom lip began to tremble and the welled-up tears began to fall softly like little gleaming droplets. She reached up to her shoulders and took his hands in hers, bringing them to her lips and kissing his fingertips gently.

"In that case" she said, her voice close to a whisper. "I'm the luckiest woman alive in this or any universe, anywhere in space or time!" She gazed at him adoringly, flooding him with all that her heart held for him - which was quite an overwhelming force - as it happened. She managed a little coy smile as she saw him react. It was true that she couldn't project but he could feel her. He always had. She knew that now. It was all like a light coming on in the darkness. All she could wonder at, was how she had failed to be aware of the fact before now.

Maybe it wasn't the right time. Maybe there would never be a right time but the way they were both feeling it sure felt like the right time. Liam closed the distance, pulling her close and kissed her.

TBC


A JP by:

Cmdr Amia Telamon
CMO - DS5 - on part time hours due to Maternity Leave

&

Lieutenant Liam Reynolds
Chief Counselor, DS5

 

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