Confronting the Past

Posted on Sun Jun 5, 2016 @ 9:37am by Lieutenant Annora Tessaro & Lieutenant JG Noelle Bennett M.D.

1,786 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Pangaea (Wrap up)
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: Day 13 0930

Not surprisingly Annora was ordered to report to mental health as part of her in processing. . While her past evals were likely on file, it was her experience that most Docs wanted to get their information first hand.

Checking in with the receptionist, Annora took a seat and waited her turn.

Having been informed her next appointment had arrived, Noelle stepped out of her office, and aided by a nonverbal gesture from her receptionist, Bennett approached Tessaro and offered with a smile. "Hello, I'm Doctor Noelle Bennett. Care to follow me back to my office?"

"Nice to meet you Doc. Annora Tessaro, security officer."

She followed the other woman past the reception desk and into her office.

With Noelle leading the way, it didn't take long for the two of them to enter her office, with its light colors and large seating area with a variety of comfortable chairs to choose from. "Please feel free to make yourself comfortable. May I get you something from the replicator?"

Taking a seat against the wall and near the door, Annora answered the question.
"I'll take a chilled Raktajino please."

It took her a little while to warm up to the idea of a Klingon drink, but soon learned to separate their cuisine from their politics.

"A woman after my own heart," Noelle answered with a nod, walking over to the replicator and ordering two chilled raktajinos. Handing the other woman her drink, Bennett settled in her own chair across from her. "I must say, as I've read some of the notes concerning your history just to get to know you a little bit before this meeting, I couldn't get over how difficult it must be to be in this time after all you've been through."

"Thanks, my roommate at Starfleet Academy introduced me to the drink. Of course she didn't tell me its origins until after I had finished the first drink. I was still a bit hesitant, but the taste grew on me."

Annora chuckled. "I wonder what my fellow MACO would think of me drinking Klingon Coffee, guess it's better than Romulan ale."

Noelle smiled, unsure if Annora was truly as well-adjusted as she was making it seem or if she was just skilled at presenting herself that way after seeing so many counselors. Bennett knew for sure she wasn't the first. She decided to try again. "How has your adjustment been?" Likely not a unique question, for sure, but that didn't mean it didn't need to be asked.

"The transition has been a bit rough, but at 5 years in I think I'm finally getting used to the new life. Of course that's all in my file from Temporal Investigations, but I know you blue shirts like to see things for yourself. Not that I blame you, I would prefer to interview a witness myself rather than rely on someone else's transcript."

Bennett smiled and nodded her agreement. "What would you say is still the hardest part about the transition?"

That was a loaded question.
"The hardest part?"

Repeating the question was an old trick, but it also bought Annora a moment to think.
"I think it's the nuances that trip me up. I know it's 2392, but often I still think like it's the 2160s. I'll refer to people and events in the present tense or near past instead of having a 200 year gap."

Such mistakes were understandable, but still, her answer surprised Noelle. She expected the hardest part might be living without family and friends and some degree of survivor's guilt. Perhaps Annora had dealt with that or perhaps she was minimizing the true difficulties. Bennett couldn't be sure. "When you refer to people and events in the present tense, how do you feel?" Noelle couldn't tell if the other woman was carefully avoiding speaking of her emotions or if she truly didn't know how.

Swirling the coffee around in her cup, Annora let it hold her attention for a few minutes. Finally she looked back up at the Counselor.
"In a way I feel foolish or embarrassed. Most people aren't aware of my history, so they're confused by my tenses. I tend to reference events or terminology in conversations more than names. Most people wouldn't recognize the names of friends or family I knew back then. It's more of an idea; something happens I wish to share or discuss with someone, than I realize I can't talk to them. I have to remind myself that they've all been gone for more than a century. Of course some died in border skirmishes with groups such as the Tarn or Klingons, that's the nature of the job, but just as many lived full lives. A few of us from the Sundsaval keep in touch, but I didn't serve with most of them until my posting there, so it's not the same as those of us who were in the proverbial trenches together."

The last part was supposed to be reassuring, but somehow it didn't come out quite like the security officer intended.

Now they were getting somewhere, Noelle thought. "That sounds like it would take a tremendous amount of energy just to relate to people in the present. It also sounds like you're having to confront your losses on a fairly regular basis. How do you cope with that?"

"Yeah, that's a good way of putting it. The odd thing is, this isn't the first time I've suffered losses. I am a combat vet after all." The last phrase was said a bit louder with a combination of anger and pride.

She quieted down again.
"And yet somehow the trip 200 years forward hits me differently from those who died fighting the Romulan Empire."

"I think that's understandable," Noelle replied. "It's one thing to learn to cope with a common shared experiences such as war, but it's another to cope with something like a temporal accident. You're not the only one to go through it, but it's a unique enough experience to set you apart from most people."

"Yeah, temporal investigations said much the same thing. War losses are spread out more and expected. While time travel is more like a mass casualty event. But enough about the past, the future is still to be written. Although why I was assigned here, I don't know. Either someone in Starfleet has a sense of humor, or Karma is finally getting its revenge."

"How do you feel about being assigned here under the command of a Romulan?" Noelle asked. "Given your history, whatever your feelings are, I'm sure they're understandable."

Annora flashed back to her conversation with her roommate when she got word of the assignment. She drained what was left of her coffee before answering.
"I spent close to four years fighting against the Romulan Empire, from my perspective it has only been 5 years since the War ended. Hell, half the reason I left the MACO was to get away from the Neutral Zone. Now Starfleet assigns me to one of the largest installations near the Neutral Zone, that's under the Command of a Romulan Captain serving in Starfleet. I'm not sure what that says of Starfleet's opinion of me, I could think of several options. That is, assuming this isn't some random fluke by someone in the personnel department who isn't aware of my history."

"Perhaps it's a test," Noelle suggested, "an opportunity for you to confront your past and address your biases. After all you've been through, if you can handle this, I imagine there's hope for your ability to handle a lot of things," she added with a smile.

"I hope so. I'd hate to have gone through all this only to flunk out because of items beyond my control. At the same time, I'm keeping my options open in case things don't work out on DS5. Not that I plan on failing, but I learned a long time ago to remain flexible." She added the last part hurriedly. The last thing she needed was the counselor thinking she was looking for any excuse to leave her current posting.

Bennett offered Annora a smile to ease the apprehension she heard. "I'm not going to hold any of that against you," Bennett added with a dismissive wave. "I know you're not planning on failing, but I think after all you've been through, it's only natural you'd learn to be flexible and to not become too set on any particular outcome. The trick is finding the balance between not becoming too attached and not becoming so detached, you struggle to feel connected to anyone."

"I'll keep that in mind Doc. Flexibility was something I learned early in my career, so that shouldn't be an issue. You won't get very far in combat if you remain rigid in your thinking."

"Or in life, I've found," Noelle replied in agreement. "I'm prepared to clear you for duty, but before we part ways, is there anything else you'd like to share with me? Perhaps the secret talent or little-known fact?" She added with a grin.

"I used to play the snare drums. At BMT I was drafted into the band company due to having musical experience. At West Point they were glad to have someone who already knew how to play the drums. Once the War ended, they asked for volunteers for the victory parade. Since I already knew what I was doing, I found myself giving several others a crash course on the way back to Earth. If you look closely you can pick me out in the news coverage of the event."

Annora had never played the drums outside of a military setting, preferring to play the banjo and guitar.

"That's amazing!" Noelle replied. "I'll have to look for you. In the meantime, you might check out if there's opportunities to play music with groups aboard the station. I haven't investigated all the opportunities scare myself, but with the station's size, I have to believe there are other people interested in music here."

"I'm sure there are. Once I get settled, I'll look into it. Although I'll stick to the stringed instruments."

Noelle nodded. "That sounds like a plan." Pausing to gather her thoughts, she added, "Unless there's anything you'd like to add, I'm prepared to clear you for duty," she said with a smile.

"No ma'am, I think that's it. See you around."

Annora stood up to leave.

"My door is always open," Noelle called out as Annora stood to leave. Bennett watched her go, pleased that despite all she's been through, Annora seemed well-adjusted.

***

Lieutenant JG Noelle Bennett, M.D.
Chief Counselor
Deep Space Five

Lieutenant JG Annora Tessaro
Assistant Chief Security Officer
Deep Space Five

 

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