Inside the blue girls head.

Posted on Fri Nov 13, 2020 @ 2:07am by Lieutenant T'Lul & Ensign Vrizao Sh'zharohr

1,056 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Si vis pacem, para bellum
Location: Chief Counselor's Office
Timeline: MD 01 12:00

Vrizao antenna flattened on top of her head as she made her way down the corridor to the office of the stations Chief councilor. She knew she needed to be cleaned before she could get behind the controls of her fighter, but she couldn't help but feel nervous. Stepping up to the door she waited patiently for an answer giving her necklace of her Zhavey and Shreya flight badges a squeeze for luck as she did so.

From beyond the Chief Counselor's Office, a voice rang out flatly, "Come in."

Vrizao gave a polite smile as she stepped through the door.

T'Lul looked at the Andorian. There had been a history where Andorians and Vulcans were at war. T'Lul had no love for war and she always wondered at the reason it started. Andorians, though, were known to take great offense at some of the smallest perceived slights. So, it was curious that one walked in her door. Unemotionally, she asked, "I do not think we have an appointment. How can I help you?"

"Hello I'm Ensign Vrizao. I know this is a little unexpected, but is there any chance I could get a psychological evaluation. I just arrived and I need one before I'm cleared to fly my fighter," the Andorian replied.

Gesturing with her hand halfway between a chair and couch, T'Lul replied, "Please make yourself comfortable. I have some time."

The Andorian nodded and decided on the couch to sit on.

Once Vrizao made her selection, T'Lul took notice of it and considered its meaning while pulling up the Ensign's records. "Why don't you tell me about yourself, Ensign?"

"Well, I'm recently graduated from the academy trained to fly all of the federations fighters. I was born a Starfleet brat to my quad, but most of them died when I was very young. My charan Teben raised me as best he could, but he suffered from major depression at the loss of his quad. He's never really managed to recover from it, but he's done his best to raise me as he can when he's all alone. " She began a hint of sadness in her voice at the memories.

"It was from him I got my love of flying even if he did just fix the shuttle and the fighters. He'd sit me on his lap and tell me how my zhavey and shreya would dance among the stars in their craft. The only time he'd smile would be when he told me those stories. Other than my graduation off course." Her face turned to a smile at the memories.

"And yet, you are still young and here. Have you considered doing anything other than flying?" T'Lul inquired.

The Andorian paused for a moment as she thought it through. "No, I don't think so. I've joked about becoming a dancer if I didn't earn my wings, but that's about it." She replied honestly.

T'Lul tilted her head. "Then, how do you not know that you are not more suited to be a dancer than a flight officer?"

"Besides the fact that I'm a terrible dancer?" the Andorian replied with a chuckle to herself. "Flying's what I was made for. When I'm behind the flight stick I feel like all my problems and worries have been left behind and that I'm free to soar the cosmic winds.

"What problems and worries do you have?" T'Lul asked curiously.

"I worry about my Teben. Seeing him fall further and further into depression and I can't seem to do anything to help him." She replied honestly. " I've picked up a habit from that of blaming myself if my friends are feeling down. It's all recorded in my file from the academy."

"It is a habit that we can retrain. As I am certain that you are aware, you are only responsible for your own actions."

"I am," the Andorian nodded in reply. "I have been making progress since the shrinks at the academy picked it up."

"Why do you not tell me where you think that you have made progress and where you think you need more assistance as I will be taking care of your therapy while you're here."

"Well according to my therapist I've stopped blaming myself for everything that goes wrong in their lives. I still have a gut feeling every now and again, but it's no where near as bad as it's been." Vrizao responded as best she could.

"A gut feeling?" T'Lul inquired, tilting her head slightly to show interest. "Can you describe what you mean by that and in what circumstance?"

"You know a..." she began before realizing she was talking to a Vulcan. Think about how to explain it she decided the directory definition would be best. "A gut feeling is a basic feeling or reaction without a logical rationale. The last one I had was when two of my friends split up from the relationship they been in. Just couldn't shake the feeling that if i had said something it wouldn't have happened."

"Ah," T'Lul replied. "That is a fair description of a 'gut feeling.' Some people confuse them with instincts which are really your primal senses alerting you to things that your subconscious brain recognizes but your conscious one does not. In this particular case, you are referring to a 'gut feeling' more in the sense of feeling helpless and somehow desirous of control, which is not a very logical consideration. But, as you said, there is work that you must do to rid yourself of the guilt and improperly programmed thoughts that you can control everyone and everything in your environment."

The Vulcan sat still for a moment, completely unemotional before announcing, "However, that, in of itself, would not disqualify you for duty." She let her delicate hands slide over a console as she made some notes.

" That's good to know. If I can't fly I've no idea what I'd do." The young Andorian responded with a warm smile.

"That is something we will have to explore, as well. After all, nobody knows what tomorrow may bring. But for now, you are free to go, Ensign."

"Thank you, Lieutenant. I'll see you around," the Andorian said as she stood up and headed for the door.



Lieutenant T'Lul
Chief Counselor
DS5

Ensign Vrizao Sh'zharohr
Fighter Pilot
DS5

 

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