Dr Livingstone I presume? Part 1

Posted on Sat Feb 1, 2020 @ 12:26am by Civilian Opal Oliver (Deceased) Dr & Lieutenant Elleese Elloyia
Edited on on Sun Feb 9, 2020 @ 12:31am

2,294 words; about a 11 minute read

Mission: Doors of Perception
Location: Counsellor's Offices
Timeline: old mission day 11

Opal had thought a lot about her recent out of character and inexplicable nightmares of late and had eventually talked herself into going to see the new Chief Counsellor just to make sure she was able to make sense when talking about her own state of mind and emotions.

She made an appointment and turned up a little early. She was directed by one of the Junior Counsellors to some comfortable chairs with soft peaceful musack playing quietly in the background of the waiting room, the sounds of water running softly, and soothing colours and mild pleasant scents. It was an impressive piece of psychology in itself and Opal felt it boded well.

Sitting down to wait, Opal looked around and took in as much of the features of the room as possible and practiced her breathing to further add to the calming influence.

Elleese was just walking out of her office with her most recently patient--a homesick young ensign--and felt the addition of another presence. She smiled at the ensign and bid farewell before looking to her counseling yeoman. "Doctor Opal Oliver," the other woman said, gesturing to the other woman sitting in one of the chairs.

The oddly-colored Betazoid walked over. "Doctor Oliver, would you like to come inside?" she asked with a warm smile.

"Thank you" Opal replied and rose immediately, coming forward with her hand out for an introductory shake. "Please call me Opal" she added also with a happy smile.

"Of course, Opal," Ell replied kindly, shaking the offered hand before they walked into her office. "Please sit wherever you would be the most comfortable," she went on as she took her own seat. "What has brought you by today?"

Opal looked around and saw some scatter cushions, some bean-bag-type of memory foam shapes and some chairs, softer and harder. She thought about the choice, distracted for a few moments then plumped, almost literally for a blob of memory foam and let it form itself around her. It felt comfortable and reassuring. She drew in a deep breath.

"Well, the more I think about how to say this, the more silly I feel about it..... " Opal began, almost apologetically. It was true, she was rapidly losing her conviction that all this was anything other than just her own paranoia and she certainly didn't want a diagnosis of that kind. She shifted uncomfortably, even thought this was the most comfortable seat she had ever been hugged by in her life.

"You should not feel silly about anything you say here," Ell said with a warm smile. "This is a place to talk about things, small or large, serious or silly. If it is on your mind, you can speak it here."

Opal pinkened softly. "I'm sorry, i know that..... or I wouldn't have come..... it's just that I don't even have any proof.... I just have a feeling.... had a horrible dream.... It seems childish when i try to vocalise it." she began.

"I should start by saying that I'm in a relationship.... well, I consider it that and I hope he does.... I can't say who because he's on the crew here so if I could just call him Joe.... anyway.... " she glanced to see if she got a nod for that assumption to be okay, but then took it as a rhetorical question anyway.

"So Joe and I - well I think I care about him more than he does me but even so, I think he does like me. It's just that he's widowed and has a daughter who lost her mother and resents any attempt by any woman that she sees as a prospective trying to replace her in her father's life. Naturally I know without any question of doubt that I would never be able (nor even willing) to try to do that. It would be unfair on all of us.... but I just want to be someone who could offer him a future relationship ...... " she stopped to draw breath and see what Ell would say at this point. "Is it totally hopeless to even try? Is that sort of thing doomed to fail.... statistically or in your experience?"

Ell listened with perfect attention, offering small nods to continue and an open expression to convey her understanding and acceptance. "First of all," she began kindly, "I would caution you to not live your life by statistics. It is not necessarily important what works or does not for other people, because it is not their lives that you are living. It is your own. There is always hope." She let that sink in for a moment.

"This sounds like a fair...normal reaction on the part of Joe's daughter. It is not hopeless to try, but communication is always key. Have you spoken to Joe about these feelings and worries?"

"I.... " Opal was taking this in. "... of course, you're right. It really is different for everyone. I should know that...... It's that way with all of life...... " she replied to the first part. Then she came around to the uncomfortable question.

"We...... Joe has so much on his plate with his daughter and her..... health problems..... and I don't like to press him... and well, it's complicated." she sighed, hearing how evasive and vague this was. How could she tell the whole story with the Trill problems and the illegal joining and.... she sighed a second time, heavily.

"I'm not making much sense am I?" she admitted. "It's just that... well, we did mention it and when she had her last girlfriend we were able to talk about it quite a lot. The girlfriend seemed to understand and wanted to help but then... when she left suddenly..... family problems back home, and Z.... Joe's daughter's heart was broken and now it's just too sensitive .... or rather too INsensitive to be all...*me,me,me* in the midst of all their troubles. But I do feel.... well I guess kinda excluded...... if that's not too selfish and self-centred at such a time................. it is...." she rolled her eyes and let out a groan. "I'm such a cow... I don't know why he stays with me..... which must be why my dreams are telling me I don't deserve him... or I'm going to lose him.........I've wasted your time.... I realise now........It's me...... " she stood up, agitated and shaky.

"I'm sorry" she said, making as if to leave, clearly embarrassed.

"Opal," Elleese said in a voice that was both strong and soft, compassionate and yet also...commanding in its ease and insistence. "Please. Do not leave feeling as you are right now. I would very much like you to sit and talk with me more."

Opal turned, her head tilting a little to the side. "I... well, I did come to talk but I've sort of talked myself out of it...." she said, looking at Elleese curiously. "I don't really know what more to offer......" she looked at the Counsellor and shrugged. "I guess I also did come not just to hear my own self talk but to interact with you.... and to be fair, i haven't given you much chance to say anything at all. It would be good manners to at least listen........... " she said and sat back down slowly.

"Have i made any sense at all?" she wondered, the question almost rhetorical but also a form of apology.

"Yes," Ell said with a kind smile. "You are clearly upset and concerned about your relationship with Joe and his daughter. That does not mean the problems are all you or all him or all her. These things rarely are one-sided, which is why you are here. To talk them through with me, to talk through your feelings so you can find the heart of the matter to discuss with him."

"Now that is why you're the Counsellor and I'm just a generic doctor" Opal smiled, relieved that what Elleese had just said made so much sense. "That is like water to a dehydrated person" she nodded. "Calm reason in a sandstorm of chaos. I needed that like a spoonful of medicine." she agreed.

"So where would you like me to start?" Opal asked, suddenly hopeful, feeling like a light-bulb of inspiration had been switched on by the Counsellor.

"At the beginning is a bit too broad," Ell said warmly, "so how about you begin with the first thing that comes to mind, and then we were go from there. I will ask questions, and you speak whatever is in your mind or heart. There is no judgement here, nor will anything leave these walls."

"I know, but thank you anyway." Opal nodded seriously. "The first thing that comes to mind is how similar the fears in my dreams are to my own subconscious problems. Joe... is someone who, like his character in the holonovel, is not ready for a deep and meaningful relationship. Even if it weren't for his daughter at all, he still has immense grief and love still inside him for the dead wife. I really feel my dreams are trying to tell me that I'm going to get hurt..... or maybe even I shouldn't be letting any of us get pulled into whatever might happen next......"

Ell tilted her head slightly with curiosity, her hair falling to the side of her shoulder. "Can you tell me a little about the holonovel?"

Opal frowned a little then shrugged. "It's not really important in the story-line sense. It's a western themed scenario. The kind that they used to write for the old films Centuries ago. Earth's American Wild West. My character is a widowed ranch owner struggling to keep her head above water against a nefarious cousin of her dead husband's who is intent on bullying her into handing over the ranch. At first the mean cousin was offering her marriage but then the hero arrives. He's tall, muscular, handsome and an ex-gunslinger who has given up his bad old ways and is 'just passing'" Opal smiles with the mention of that very obvious turn of events.

"The hero asks for shelter in the barn in return for a few doing some chores but he stays a bit longer than first imagined and the widow begins to depend on him and they get close. He protects her and she falls in love with him but he tried to tell her he's not a nice person and she shouldn't care about him. There's a lot of sexual tension and then the cousin hires in a rival gunslinger and it all gets dangerous. The widow offers to hand over the ranch to make sure the hero isn't endangered but he thinks it's too late for that." Opal sighed.

"I don't know how it will end but the hero is repressed and won't talk about his feelings or past. The widow would do anything to protect him the way he has protected her but none of her ideas to try to head off the oncoming conflict are of any use. The thing is, the widow loves the hero deeply but can't reach through his self-defensive shields and try as she might, her love isn't enough to make him want a relationship. I see a similarity in that with my dream and my own situation. Hopelessly in love of someone good, brave, selfless and strong but and who's being eaten away by his past with no means of finding anything to give back that hasn't been all used up already." She fell silent and looked intently at her fingers.

Elleese listened, remaining silent but nodding encouragingly. When Opal was done, she asked, "And this is a program that you and Joe are doing together?"

"Yes, it is. He set it up but we both contribute to how it turns out, naturally". Opal said, looking slightly quizzical and trying to think ahead.

"The story sounds a little...familiar, do you think?" the counselor asked with a small smile.

"Familiar? Do you mean we're making it too much like us? Or do you mean you've heard the story before.... I suppose it's fairly old and corny like the movies about the wild west of centuries ago.... ?" Opal was overthinking this and had become a little taken aback to be faced with so many kinds of familiarity.

Elleese's smile turned gentle. "I mean it sounds a lot like how you have so far described you and Joe, but to say that you two are 'making it too much like' you has a negative connotation. The story evolving in a way that resembles you and Joe is not inherently a bad thing."

"I don't know..... I'm not sure the actual story is representative, it's the frustrations.... the obstacles and the way they..... we..... don't deal with it properly....... I mean, it's understandable that two people from Centuries ago in a notoriously repressed age would resist showing their deeper feelings.... resist commitment... resist each other...... but what have two people from today got by way of an excuse? I..... suppose the dream disturbed me most because it was telling me that... we're getting mixed up in our struggle not to get too close? In both situations?" Opal tried to work it out by just thinking aloud. A lot was coming out that she had expected but some that she hadn't even approached in her own mind came out as well and it was quite an eye-opener, literally since she was sitting there, wide-eyed as she soaked up some new ideas and realisations.

TBC........

A JP between:

Lieutenant Elleese Elloyia
Chief Counsellor - DS5

and

Dr Opal Oliver
Civilian Doctor - DS5

 

RSS Feed