Fruits of Love

Posted on Thu Oct 15, 2015 @ 10:28am by Commander Caden Aldrex & Commander Amia Telamon M.D.

2,507 words; about a 13 minute read

Mission: Pangaea (Wrap up)
Location: Sickbay
Timeline: MD1 - 18:00 hrs

ON:

Amia had returned to Sickbay because she wasn't discharged. Benj had just let her go the Box of Delights in the hope she would find something to help her remember but although there had been some flashbacks, it hadn't helped enough to get her back to wherever it was that she had been before. Now she was lying on top of her bed, trying very hard to place the odd little clues she had.

She was gazing at a holovid of the man they were all telling her was her husband. She liked the look of his face. It was a face she felt she could trust. It was a handsome face and one she could have been physically drawn to but she had this knot in her stomach about him that was telling her this hurt. Not just because she couldn't remember him but for some other reason, deeper and further back. She tried to reach for it mentally but was still having no luck when the partition door slid pack and there was the man himself, large as life this time, come to see her.

Amia felt the knot in her stomach unwind itself at the sight of him. It was as if now he was here, everything was alright again, even though she knew it wasn't going to be until she could remember the important things but she knew what a feeling of relief felt like, and it definitely felt like 'this'.

This was someone she needed to have around. His physical presence made her feel safe. This was a light-bulb moment, as if she'd never known it before but yet, at the same time, it was a familiar feeling too. More confused than ever, she got up. She needed to be closer to him but on approaching him she felt embarrassed, as if she were accosting a stranger.

"Thank you for coming to see me." she said, surprised at how formal that sounded and how uncomfortable she now was, when only a moment ago she could have sworn she had been overjoyed to see him. Why was this so hard? Was she ever going to get better... whatever better was?

Cade flashed his signature grin and kissed her cheek. "What do you mean 'thanks for coming to see me?' I couldn't wait to see you." He produced a small basket of fruit from behind his back, just as he had promised. A sealed envelope was attached to it. "How are you feeling?" he asked as he gave it to her.

"I'm physically fine thanks, Just a bit of a headache now and then but otherwise, just fine. I wish I didn't feel so empty inside though..... I'm so sorry about all this. You must be SO fed up...... " She took the envelope and held it where she could open it carefully.

"Listen," he said, lowering his chin and looking her straight in the eye. "I am in NO way fed up with what's happening to you. We're going to get through this together. I have plenty of faith that you'll be back to your old self." He looked down, sighed, and then met her eyes again. "And if you don't get back to your old self, then I'll just have to make you love me all over again."

Amia felt a huge wave of emotion fight its way out of her heart on hearing him say that and on looking into his deep beautiful eyes at the same time. The letter fell from her fingers back into the basket and two huge tear drops fell onto it and the fruit below.

"Whatever I do or don't remember, Mister......" she tried to smile and joke before her throat closed up as it was already trying to rapidly do. "....you're not going to be hard to love, that much any fool could see!"

Her fingers reached up and touched his cheek, the slight growth of neglected rough against her fingers where he hadn't had time to even stop and shave today. More tears welled. "You should have a wife to take care of you" she whispered. "One who wouldn't care a fig what sort of past you have or don't have together but who just wants to make a new future with you anyway. Is there a vacancy for one of those? When are the interviews?"

Her lower lip trembled with effort and the fruit basket wobbled and pulled her attention away as she looked quickly over towards her shaking hand so she could try to aim the basket at the side quickly before it tipped up. As she put it down, she noticed the elegant, artistic, calligraphic handwriting on the letter. This man was too good to be true. How could he belong to her? Who was 'she', that she could have been so lucky? How was she ever going to be worthy of him now she was an empty shell? She HAD to find herself..... she HAD to! She just KNEW he deserved that much.

She looked back up to meet his gaze again. It was blurry to her now but she felt another surge of love. This time she recognised it for what it was. Yes, there it was! She had loved him, she had sworn to protect him, she wanted to hold him and never let anything or anyone hurt him ever.

But..... what was hurting him right now was her own self. She couldn't allow that. She couldn't allow ANYone to hurt him... not anyone. She wondered how best to get out of his life and let him start over with someone who would deserve him more. The mist seemed to clear as she felt a resolution forming. She would let him go. She must. But now that she was beginning to remember, it was hurting. Her fingers fell from his face and she picked up the letter, folded it and put it back into the envelope, the detail within unread.

"The position is filled," her husband replied with a grin. Then shifting gears he said, "I spoke to my family for a few minutes on subspace today. My parents send their love. Say they hope you get better soon. Janel and Kell are preparing a care package to send you." He was referring to his little sisters, hoping that mentioning their names would provoke a memory in Amia. The last time they had visited Trill Amia had gotten along very well with them. And in turn they adored her. To them Amia was a fiery-haired goddess who could do no wrong.

Amia turned the names around in her head and they hurt too. She remembered them as a tantalising aura that she could almost see in her mind's eye but not clearly. "That was sweet of them all" she said sadly.

"Sir...? I think I should go on a convalescence trip, if that's alright?" she broached her agonising plan carefully.

He laughed. "Okay, first of all don't call me 'sir.' And second," his eyes fell a little, "I don't want you to go, but if that's what you think will help, then you have my support. Where do you think you'll go?"

"Um.... I don't really know.... I wonder if I retrace my steps.... " She couldn't do it..... she couldn't leave him.... she began to feel trapped and lost again but as she looked up into the sadness that had appeared in his eyes when she said she should go away, her heart screamed inside her, in protest. She foundered for words.

"Our...... w...wed....ding...... Si....C....Cade..... I can't.... remember our...... wedding........" it lurched out of her in strangled sobs. She had promised herself she wasn't going to cry and now she was angry with herself for failing them both by doing exactly that after all.

She began to lose her balance as her eyes welled up and the fruit basket wobbled alarmingly as she stumbled. She grabbed it and pulled it towards her body to catch the contents and stop them emptying out all over the floor. There were now crushed Terran raspberries, Raisan strawberries and Argonian swamp fruit all bleeding red and amber juice into her white nightdress.

She looked down and thought it somehow appropriate, or perhaps ironic, and slid backwards heavily, hoping to find the bed-edge close enough to catch her descending rear. If it didn't she would end up sliding down towards the floor, which in itself didn't seem such a bad idea right now as she teetered awkwardly, still clinging to her fruit as if it were representative of all her whole life's memories in a basket.

"Who the hell am I?" she moaned, grasping around to try to steady herself physically and mentally all in the same groping gesture with one hand as the other gripped the upturned fruit bowl almost comically and stubbornly to her breast.

That earned her a hug from her husband. He couldn't think of anything else to do.

Amia clung to him. The fruit dropping between them and finally finding its original destiny of falling to the floor. Cade had stopped her falling and in both the physical and mental sense, it gave her something to anchor to.

"It's not fair for you to have to try to start all over again, but somehow, I'll get better..... I promise I will......Just please don't give up on me?" she finally said, quietly, still clinging to him.

"It's so hard not to give up on myself but what's keeping me on this side of the boundary of sanity, is your faith." Her tears dried up after a very long time of clinging to him and her gratitude for his patience was deepened even more.

"Of course I'll never give up on you," Cade Aldrex said softly in her ear.

"Thank you" her voice was steady now. "Thank you my love. I do know that is who you are: 'my love'. I do know that much out of all of this! I'm not sure how, but it's here." she pointed to her heart and turned her tear stained face up to his.

"Hey, I'll take it," he said with a kiss to her forehead. He looked around at the fallen fruit and added, "So, does the five second rule apply here, or do we get an extension because it's a hospital and the floors are theoretically cleaner?"

She laughed. It was a laugh that was real and relieved. She felt hope.

"Ahem! 'MY' Sickbay floors are pristine, I'll have you know!" she giggled and grabbed for some fruit, racing him to snatch a handful and stuff it into her mouth first.

"Was I always this childish?" she grinned, red fruit juice all around her lips.

Her husband's eyes wandered up toward the ceiling as he pondered his response. Finally he declared, "Pretty much."

"Sorry" she replied sheepishly and offered him a slightly squashed but deliciously dripping amber coloured swamp fruit.

"When I get better, I'll try to get 'better' as well?!" she offered. "But I don't think I can promise..... " she popped another raspberry into her mouth and there was something of a long-lost but not completely extinguished sparkle in her tear-swollen eyes.

He took a bite out of the amber fruit and then looked at it suspiciously. "I just want you to be well," he said quietly. "The other stuff doesn't matter."

It was a silent blessing that Amia wasn't able to remember how much it would have bothered her old self to be looking such a wreck in front of her wonderful Cade.

And it was another silent blessing that she couldn't remember to wonder, as her old self used to do, what Aldrex the symbiont, and his former hosts, were making of all this chaos that was coming from her. It had always been something that had made the old Amia try to observe herself as if by strangers, in a form of audience observing from the balcony, to try to see what they must be thinking communally. Right now, the thought of 'that' prospect and conclusion she would guess they would come to, would have been unbearable for her to contemplate in her current messy state.

She picked up the letter again and tucked it under her pillow for later. "Was it a flouncy affair? Our wedding? I bet it was beautiful!" she finally asked, almost randomly.

He smiled. "It was a great wedding. Came together very well considering it was a last-minute thing before we transferred here. We have a ton of pictures and holo-vids. I'll bring them down."

"Did we have a hon....." she cut off. "Thanks, I'd like to see the holovids, I bet it was beautiful.... what did I wear?" something inside her shut a door on the honeymoon question and she was subconsciously redirected almost instantly. There was a clue there that she might find important later but for now, the wedding dress took priority as her mind decided firmly that it must!

"Your gown was emerald and gold," he said, closing his eyes to picture it again in his mind. It was one of his favorite memories. "And it was tailored to match the contours of your curves. You looked amazing in it. Phenomenal." He opened his eyes again. "You walked down that aisle in that graceful, elegant way of your that drives me mad every time I see it. You put your hands in mine like this..." He took her hands in his. "We laughed because I almost kissed you before anything started and you turned your head to stop me. Then you looked at me with those eyes, and that smile of yours, and my whole world made sense."

Seeing the look on her face, the struggle to recall anything of what he was saying, was discouraging. After all his efforts to be the strong one for her it made his spirit despair. "I should have never brought you here," he said, his voice full of regret.

She felt warm to hear his description of the wedding and she felt safe to hear the love in his voice when he described how she had looked but as he began to show regret about having brought her here she began to sink again.

~Did this mean he regretted having married her? Did it mean she'd done something since they came here that had stopped him feeling that his 'whole world made sense'? What could she have done? Was this the reason she had subconsciously shut off her own memory? It was possible. People did do that. She knew how it might happen after a physical trauma and had assumed the stun shot had caused it all but what if there was an emotional trauma she was blocking too? She needed to know but couldn't ask him. He looked so sad, she couldn't hurt him any more. ~

[OFF]

A JP between:

Lt. Cmdr. Caden Aldrex
XO

and

Lt. Cmdr. Amia Telamon
CMO - DS5

 

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