Imposter Syndrome

Posted on Mon Jan 13, 2020 @ 11:08pm by Captain Maritza Soran

710 words; about a 4 minute read

Mission: Et In Arcadia Ego
Location: Commander Soran's Office
Timeline: MD 01 0800

[ON]

The work didn't seem to let up. Even thought the last few months had been calm. Not to many crisis. The Klingons and Romulans had been successfully set up on Pangaea. She was quite pleased with that. She had the Klingons on the far side, away from the Cardassians but close enough to the Ferengi to keep an eye on them. The Romulans were snuggled up against the Cardassians. That may or may not work out for the best, but for the time being she was reasonably sure the Romulan ambassador detested the Cardassians more than her, so it would be in her favour for now.

She'd even had time to see Geral fairly regularly, between his business trips and her own job. She wasn't sure what to call they had. They'd not discussed status, or exclusivity or boundaries or anything like that. They were just sort of...happening. Whenever they could fit each other in between deals and personnel crisis and bureaucracy.

Speaking of which, the paperwork never seemed to end. Permits for this, requests for that. Expand this project, end that one. They needed to revise ho they handled traffic control. Pangaea's expansion had brought in more traffic and the smaller bays were starting to get clogged. And endless communiques.

She closed one, and moved to the next, from Starfleet command. She read it, and for a moment, her heart stopped dead.

This couldn't be happening. It was ludicrous. Ridiculous. impossible. A realm of stupid recklessness boarding on Kirk territory.

She put the padd down. Rubbed at her eyes and checked again. No. Nothing had changed. She shook her head and sent a message back to Starfleet Command for verification.

She sat back in her chair and bit her fingernails. It was insane. It couldn't be right. No one at Starfleet command could be that stupid. It was a mistake. Someone had made a huge mistake. The couldn't do this. Okay, everything was going well on the colony, all was quiet and more and more people were exploring every day. But the Cardassians had gone suspiciously quiet. She knew they were up to something, she just couldn't put her finger on it. Messing things around right now might lead to disaster.

It took them only twenty minutes to respond. Her terminal ping and she opened it with a shaking finger. All was in order. There was no mistake. Effective immediately. Congratulations.

Maritza closed her eyes. Out of habit her hand went to her desk draw, pulled out the shallow drawer and reached to the back. There was nothing there though. This wasn't her desk, it was the one she'd inherited when she'd been thrust into command. She slammed the draw back in frustration. How was she going to manage this? Someone would figure out it was mistake, and Starfleet would take it all back and then the damage would be done.

She stood up from the desk so hard her chair shot back and hit the plexiglass window. The sudden slam made her jump. Alright, pull yourself together. You've got away with it so far. She scolded herself, and went over to the replicator, and ordered.

Soran took a break, and tugged her uniform jacket, straightening the shirt underneath in the reflection from the black LCARS panel. Everything was crisp. She brushed an imaginary spot of lint from her shoulder. She could do this. This was what she was working for. This was how she was going to effect change. All she had to do was not screw it up.

And she's already tackled corruption in Starfleet Command, been a prisoner of war, nearly eaten alive and survived. She'd survived serving on a Klingon ship and managed to get a Spacedock to dodge a planet. She could handle this.

She reached into the replicator and picked up her order and stepped to her window. OPS was pointing away from Pangaea. There was nothing but stars. A whole universe of possibility. She looked at her transparent reflection in the clear aluminium. A strong woman looked back. She could fake this.

Maritza used her reflection to fix the fourth gold pip into place.

Time to go to work.

[OFF]

Captain Maritza Soran
Commanding Officer
Deep Space Five

 

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