Holonovel, Chapter 5 (Part 1)

Posted on Wed Nov 27, 2019 @ 8:48am by Commander Caleb Ryan & Civilian Opal Oliver (Deceased) Dr

1,351 words; about a 7 minute read

Mission: Doors of Perception
Location: Holodeck 3
Timeline: MD10 2000

A month had passed since Shane and Carrie had given into their passions during the thunderstorm in the hunting cabin. Things on the farm had gone back to normal, though, and the act hadn’t been repeated. And Shane made sure to eat his meals quickly and get to work, or retire to the barn, to avoid discussing it.

Shane walked the horses out of the barn and backed them up to the traces of the wagon. It was time to again go into town for supplies, so he was done up in his town clothes again, He finished attaching the horses to the wagon and waited for Carrie.

Carrie came out in her bonnet and town clothes, carrying a canvas bag that had been hand sewn. It contained her purse, a handkerchief, some pleasantly scented herbs -- just a small handful -- and plenty of space to carry her most personal purchases back. The main groceries would be packed into a chest strapped onto the wagon behind the main seat, and, of course, any sacks of corn, seeds, flour, coffee, oats, and vegetables would go into the back of the wagon with any other heavy goods they needed.

She climbed up into the seat alongside Shane, smiled at him, and fixed the ribbon on her hat firmly beneath her chin without a word about the reason, which was not only that the wind would blow as they traveled, but also that he would no doubt drive like a lunatic, as he always did. She never complained, as it was quite exhilarating, in actual fact, although she could never admit to that out loud.

“Ya’ll look mighty fine, Mrs. White,” Shane said as he helped her up into the seat. Then he hopped up onto the box and took up the reins. “Tch,” he said, with a little snap of the reins, and the horses took off at a trot toward the gate and the road into town.

"Thank you, Shane," Cary replied, deliberately losing the formality. They were in the wagon. What could be awkward about that? "You look very smart yourself," she reciprocated, but didn't turn her head to look at him, just in case he might be cross with her for dropping the enforced awkward formality which she frankly did not understand at all, but she was still very painfully aware that if he wanted to just up and leave, there would be nothing she could do to try to prevent him, so she usually followed his lead. Today she just felt... Well, she was very close to him sitting here on the seat of the wagon, and it had been a long time since that Heavenly Thunderstorm and their forgetting everything in their rapture. She sighed just at the thought and continued to gaze out to the side, watching the land, her land, her deceased husband's land, God rest his soul, pass by.

"What a beautiful day," she sighed aloud, just loud enough for Shane to hear, but not so directly as to be demanding a response if he didn't want to talk.

“It is,” Shane said. He felt the tension and glanced over at her. They had about an hour drive into town. “Yer cross with me, ma’am,” he said, turning his eyes back to the road.

"Why should I be cross?" she asked a little taken aback, looking at his profile as he turned his head back towards the road. She ached for his touch and kindness again, but he had seemed to be avoiding her as if he were horrified or repelled.

"I thought it was the other way round, actually," she said gently, trying not to make this sensitive subject become volatile or defensive. "You've been so distant with me that I took it to be a signal to keep away and not mention anything that had happened. Did I misread that?"

Shane was quiet for a long moment. “Not particularly,” he admitted. “Ah am just concerned about...what happened between us. People already talk, what with ya living out on yer own with a man that ain’t your husband. Ah don’t want ta make things worse. Or make what they say...true.”

"Shane... Mister Black... " Carrie corrected herself into the formal again. "It's mighty fine and honourable of you to take such good care of my reputation, but it is my reputation, and if i choose not to guard it as well as you are doing, that's not yours to try to confound. What people say will be unkind, unfair, and unpleasant, no matter if we do or don't do what they are thinking we do on the ranch, and I don't see why, if we're to be blamed for it anyway, then what do we have to lose by pleasing ourselves if we do or don't, and let them guess, bitch, or be jealous?" she responded.

Shane considered her words as he watched the team amble along the road to town. He liked the way his name came from her lips. He remembered the feel of her soft skin, the taste of her lips, the heat of her flesh pressed against him in that cabin, giving in to the passion that electrified the air between them.

“Ah’m just sayin’, ma’am, that ya deserve a man that can make an honest woman of ya, an’ Ah don’t think Ah’m that man,” he finally said, looking over at her. Their eyes met, and his barely controlled desire for her sparked in those dark depths, as if he would pull the wagon over and ravish her right there in the wagon bed, in front of anyone who might come by.

Carrie's heart lurched and cracked across like pottery that had taken a blow, but not quite shattered. She felt like the glaze had fractured, and it was only a matter of time now before it would disintegrate. She thought of the time they had lain together, finally giving in to their mutual desires and lust, and her cheeks burned. Her eyes lowered.

A moment ago she thought she had seen that same desire in his eyes, but then his words had denied that he wanted her again.

"I'm sorry you regret what we did, and I'm even more sorry I've made it difficult for you since then, Mr Black. I owe you an apology, several of them, I suspect. I would understand if you want to leave. I've behaved with such wanton lack of self-control and without any of the proper behaviour I was accustomed to observing before, and I deeply regret having put you into this impossible situation," she said, her voice quiet as she fought to control the emotions she was getting battered by from within.

He had just said that he couldn't be the man who would stay with her. Why should he? What had she been thinking? He had been a model of self control and honourable, decent behaviour from day one. How could such a man ever settle down with someone who could be as reckless and wicked as she had been?

She was suddenly realising that he clearly thought her totally shameless -- and he was right! How could any decent man be expected to want to settle down with someone of such low moral substance as she had displayed. In a short period of wake up, that was like a metaphorical bucket of icy water over her.

Her little bubble of happiness in sitting beside him, admiring his handsome profile, his muscles, his deep, hypnotic eyes, day-dreaming about an impossible future, suddenly she was ashamed of herself, of what they'd done, of her own foolish desires, her hope that he might stay. Now it all made a terrible and awful sense that she'd blown any chance of that.

A part of her, deep inside, shrivelled up in pain, despair, and self-loathing. It was too deep for tears, too late for sorry, too awful to bear.

TBC

Cdr. Caleb Ryan
Executive Officer
DS5

Dr. Opal Oliver
Civilian
DS5

 

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