Nightmare on the road to morningtown... #tbc

Posted on Sat Sep 28, 2019 @ 10:27pm by Civilian Opal Oliver (Deceased) Dr

1,126 words; about a 6 minute read

~Opal requested the computer to start her Personal Log recording and began to report~

"Personal Log by Opal Oliver, Civilian Doctor - DS5." ~she began.~

"Dear Log,

Earlier this week, Caleb and I had gone to the Holosuite for another chapter in our own personalised bespoke Holonovel. I love that method of escaping life and its stresses. It is perfect to be alone with the love of my life and our little story is so much fun.

However, once I was alone, in my own bed that night, while Caleb had gone off on Base Security Business, I had too much time to think.

Naturally I was worried about him. Who wouldn't be? He's so brave and he's good at his job but he often faces a deal of danger in his day to day duties and it does give me reason for the odd sleepless night, feeling angst about how careful he's being or how much danger he's in and so on.

It makes sense that sometimes I might have the odd nightmare about him not being okay, but that particular night, that very natural normal occurrence seemed to take on a dark, sinister turn." ~she paused thinking about the details and then, seeming to gather resolve, she continued~

"I was woken by my own wails of grief and with tears streaming down my her face." ~she said with a slight waver in her voice~

"I had to spend several minutes trying to calm myself and gather my wits about me. I was in a night-dress that was drenched in sweat as well so clearly this had been SOME bad dream. I took myself to the bathroom, took a shower and found a robe to put on. Then I went to make myself a drink to help me to feel less shaken. I ordered a hot chocolate from the replicator and huddled into the sofa cushions, gripping the mug with both hands wrapped tightly around it and my legs pulled up underneath me, I tried to remember what it had been that had physically shaken me so much in just a dream.

It's never easy to remember my dreams but for some reason this one wouldn't go away. It had been Holostory day... in the dream as well as that afternoon in reality.....but in the dream Caleb hadn't been Caleb, he'd been Shane and instead of being Carrie, to fit into that story, I was me, Opal.

There were other discrepancies too. The dream mixed up the two realities. Opal, (me) of the real universe didn't seem in the dream to be able to know or be with Shane from the Holo-universe, part of me had known that much, even in the dream. Caleb and I always deliberately keep the Holo-characters totally away from our real selves. We hadn't even discussed the storyline out of the Suite. That had been an unwritten, unspoken rule between us.

However, in my dream, somehow the borders had been breached. I found myself facing Shane's ex-wife - who called herself Jane - and who had appeared out of the spare room in the Ranch-house (Carrie's), just as if she'd always been there. As far as I knew, there'd never been any mention of Shane ever having an ex-wife. In the dream though, she was very real and very angry. She was holding my (Carrie's) dead husband's pistol and was screaming at me - I'm not sure if I was Opal or Carrie at that point but I assume I was Carrie - for trying to steal her Shane away from her.

She had aimed to shoot and I thought I (Opal) was going to die but Caleb (not Shane) had leapt in front of me (not Carrie for definite now) and saved my life just as the screaming woman turned into his daughter Zandy's face.

I don't understand why Shane turned back into Caleb just in time to be shot? Or why had my dream put Caleb's daughter's face on Shane's ex-wife? ..... or did that mean she was like Mika? (Zandy's mother - who is now actually inside her daughter in the form of her symbiont). Perhaps the resemblance had been marked so it wasn't meant to be Zandy at all but as I've never seen a holopic of Mika, my dream had presumed a likeness?

But much more importantly, what was I, Opal, going to do if it was Caleb (not Shane) who was dead?

I remember leaping forward to try to stem the bleeding but it wouldn't stop. I tried everything I knew to help him but he had still died in my arms, with Mika/Jane laughing at my failed attempts.

It was the worst nightmare I think I ever had in my whole life. It was totally mixed up and completely shocking. I've not been able to see Caleb since because he's away but I don't think I could tell him about it if he were here. I'm still shaky and I can't understand how I can remember it all so clearly when i never keep my dreams' contents in my recollection for long normally.

I think I'm telling this to you, dear log, because i needed to relate it out loud to someone so I could untangle it, but I'm afraid to tell a Counsellor. If I were sticking totally to regulations I would have to order myself to talk to a Counsellor because it does feel like I'm losing it.

~Opal took in a shuddering breath~

Or him?

Or do I think I am? Subconsciously at least.

Do I feel I have no right to him?

Is it Mika through Zandy, that makes me feel I can't have his heart and I shouldn't even try to while some part of her remains symbiotically sentient somehow? But Trill symbionts move on.... don't they?

Perhaps I don't actually believe he's ever going to stop loving her and be free to love again .....

Am I subconsciously dreaming that I need to let him go?

If I apply my own professional judgement to it as if I were evaluating someone else then perhaps that's why I needed to speak it out loud, to put it into a narrative so i could step back and try to analyse it dispassionately if I can?

I'm not sure I'm happy to know what i think it probably means though.

Yes, I know, you're right. I should go to see the Counsellor. I'll make an appointment in the morning......
always assuming I can sleep tonight...... " ~there was a thoughtful pause before Opal said: ~

"Computer, End Personal Log"

~Thoughtfully, she went to get another of those comforting hot chocolates before making an attempt to try to sleep~

 

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