A journey of A Thousand Miles

Posted on Mon Jun 27, 2016 @ 2:37am by Civilian 'Key Holder' Yolanthe Ibalin & Lieutenant JG Noelle Bennett M.D.

1,749 words; about a 9 minute read

Mission: Pangaea (Wrap up)
Location: Counsellors office
Timeline: MD16 1600

::ON::

After the doctors had finished cataloging the bruises, scrapes and deep scars her time...away... had left behind, Klia was escorted to the Counselling suite. Physically all that could be done was done. Now it was her psyche that had to be combed, and swabbed and sutured.

Klia sat in the chair they showed her to, and noted that there were two exits and no guards on either. She was equidistant from them. One headed out into the main corridor, and the other back towards the hub of sickbay. Sickbay. A horrible huge understatement for what was the Hospital for a city in space. but she was used to a lot of things being understatements. This won't hurt much. I'm going to mess you up. She'll scream before we're done.

Doctor Noelle Bennett had been discreetly notified when Klia had been brought to sickbay. Bennett and the rest of the medical staff were still putting the pieces together concerning who she was and what she had been through, but it didn't take a detective or someone with advanced medical training to determine she had been badly abused physically and sexually over a long period of time. Noelle's immediate instinct was to immediately go to the girl and sit with her as she received medical treatment, but her more experienced professional instincts prevailed.

Noelle didn't want to overwhelm Klia, and selfishly, Bennett knew if she was going to help the young woman psychologically, it would be better if she was not associated with the pain of the medical exam, documentation, and treatment. Still, it was only after she was reassured repeatedly the medical staff was well-versed in trauma informed care that Bennett decided to keep some distance between herself and Klia as they attended to her medical needs.

Given the description of Klia's injuries and overall physical state as well as the details within her medical record, Noelle hesitated to even speak with her immediately. The young woman had to be emotionally numb and physically exhausted and Noelle tried to weigh the value of waiting until Klia was well rested against the value of providing her immediate support. In the end, Noelle decided to err on the side of caution. She could keep their meeting brief but still provide Klia with some immediate support. It seemed to Noelle a far better option than leaving her to drown in her own trauma a minute more than she needed to. At the very least, Noelle wanted to work on forming a connection so she could provide more specific help in the coming days and weeks.

The door leading out into the sickbay corridor opened with a hiss and Noelle entered slowly, her voice soft but confident even before she had fully approached Klia. She didn't want to startle the young woman and it was her attempt to keep her at ease as much as possible. Bennett carried nothing with her. As far as the counselor was concerned, any connection created with Klia at this point was worth it. "Hello. My name's Noelle Bennett, I'm one of the counselors here aboard Deep Space Five. I know you've had a really long day with lots of people poking and prodding you, and I promise I'm not going to do that. Would you mind if I sat with you and we talked for a bit?"

"No. It's what I'm supposed to do isn't it?" Her tone was wary, but not aggressive, even though she gave Noelle a very suspicious look.

"If you want to," Bennett replied. "I'm not here to make you do or say anything you don't want to and there is no right or wrong thing to say to me. I just thought after all you've been through, the poking and prodding and medical examination, you might like to have someone here just to listen to you, without judgment or expectation."

Klia said nothing. She looked down, twisting her fingers together. She'd had eighteen months of pure hell. She didn't know where to start. she couldn't go back in time and stop it. And now it was over. She couldn't begin to imagine what to do next. On board Gregori's ship she'd scrubbed and disinfected every part of herself but it didn't take the memories away.

"I don't know what to do." she said at last. "Everything before is gone. How do I move forward when there's nothing left."

Noelle paused, wanting to give her answer the same weight Klia had given her question. After several beats, she said, "I think it's perfectly okay to take time just to be for now, to feel your way through things as you experience your new found freedom. You're coming from a situation in which virtually your every behavior was dictated to you, where you had no control, so it's completely understandable that you'd struggle with what to do now that the pendulum of freedom has swung completely in the other direction.

"It's going to take time for you to adjust to your new life and to grieve the loss of your old life, and I think the important thing is to be kind to yourself during this period of adjustment. Nothing you feel or will experience over time means you are weak or broken, or somehow less than. You have people in your corner, including me, who know how strong and valuable you are, and who will help you every step of the way."

Klia let the words wash over her and then gave a non-commital shrug. "that sounds nice. But I don't think I said that right. I don't think I meant how to go on. What I meant was why should I go on?"

The question was not uncommon after significant trauma, but it still caught Noelle a bit off guard. She couldn't tell if the other woman was challenging her in an angry way or was looking for a genuine answer. "You fought hard all of this time to survive. That tells me you had your reasons. Perhaps the question isn't why you should go on, but why would you choose not to?"

"I didn't fight to stay alive. They wouldn't let me die." She thought of her failed attempt on Torm's life. She'd hoped he just shoot on her on the spot. but hadn't, and in a way she'd still welcomed his plan to torture her to death. There would have at least been an end.

"Are you saying if given the opportunity now, you would choose to end your life?" In Noelle's experience, those who were determined to end their lives usually found a way. Granted, Klia hadn't much opportunity to be alone since her rescue, but as long as she still had doubt about such an option, there was hope.

There was a pause. "No," she said with a sigh. "Too much effort. But I'm not bothered if anything happens, you know." The Orion's gaze was on the floor, not looking at Noelle, her mind light years away in another solar system.

"I'm not here to judge that honesty," Noelle answered softly. "Just in case something doesn't happen, what or whom might give you a reason to go on?"

Again the noncommital shrug. "Not really. I mean. Lani would kill me if I tried anything, but as I said. I'm not suicidal. And I don't think she'd understand. She lost everything and got straight back up again. However much she misses her home, she just keeps going. I'm not like that. Rianni, possibly. But she's still in surgery. I don't know if she's even going to live."

"You're facing a lot of uncertainty," Noelle echoed with a nod. "Before your rescue, did you allow yourself to imagine a future in which you were free?"

The orion shook her head distantly. "No. I didn't imagine much. I wanted to not think."

"That makes sense," Noelle replied. "So it'll take some time for you to figure out what your new life will be and to even fully absorb that you will have a life. In the meantime, it may not be a surprise to you to know you may experience a variety of feelings and thoughts as you begin to recover from all of this. I just want to assure you that whatever you think and feel, whatever difficulties you experience, all of it is absolutely normal and counseling will help you cope in the coming days and weeks. I'm not here to force you to talk about anything you don't want to, but some people find it helpful to start sharing what they can right away."

Klia shook her head. "Not me. Not yet. I just want to be numb. Can you give me something? To be numb?"

"I don't have anything like that," Noelle replied sincerely. "Feeling some things is necessary for survival and if you were truly numb, you wouldn't be able to feel anything remotely pleasurable either. I think if anyone deserves to feel just the tiniest bit of pleasure after all this time, it's you."

Klia didn't respond to that at first. "Well. I guess." She'd made Rianni promise to take her earth food, just to say something when she thought the romulan hybrid was going to die. But it wasn't such a bad thing.. "I can try."

Noelle smiled. "That's all anyone can do and all I can ask of you. Like I said, what I hope you'll remember is that everything you think and feel and will think and feel in the coming days is completely normal. It doesn't make you crazy or a hopeless case, and I promise, with time and help, things can get better. I'm always here if you need to talk, no matter what time it is. If you're comfortable, I'd like to set up regular sessions, if that's okay with you?"

"Sure." It was the noncommittal agreement of people who didn't know if it was okay or not.

"No pressure," Noelle added, the other woman's hesitance obvious. "Would you prefer to set something up with me after you've thought about it or would you like me to put you on my schedule now?"

"Might as well do it now. Harder to chicken out." Klia decided.

"Great," Noelle replied. "The department yeoman keeps my schedule, so I'll send you her way at the front desk. I look forward to seeing you again."

[OFF]

Klia N'Shadrah
Civilian

and

Lieutenant JG Noelle Bennett, M.D.
Chief Counselor
Deep Space 5

 

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